Transitions in Marriage
Transitions in
Marriage
Statistics show that between
American couples a high level of marriage satisfaction is on the, wedding day.
It’s no wonder! I can remember the day of my wedding, I was in a ball of knots.
I was surrounded by many that I loved, and I was excited even nervous to begin
this new journey with my spouse. The wedding day was beautiful, and the actual
wedding was one memory that I will cherish forever! However, it is in the event
of their first child that marital satisfaction will decrease and plateau with
each child birth. Eventually when children begin to leave the nest, couples
will find the increase begin to rise again. Though, not all marriages reflect
these studies, these few steps that I will discuss can help couples to attain
and achieve the healthy marital success.
I think one of the most important transitions
a young family (or any family) can create is a family system, and what roles
each partner will encompass. Some couples may choose to embrace their family’s
origin and implement in creating their own system utilizing what they “know”.
Others may decide that they didn’t agree with their original family’s origin
and pitch it and start their own. A few things to consider when creating these
systems and roles… How will the couples handle debts that are brought into the
marriage? Who will conquer the house work? Will it be divided equally? Who will
take care of the financial matters? I’m sure this very generic list can give a
small glimpse of what to ponder.
When my husband and I were first
married we just kind of assumed our roles and created to the best of our
ability our own family system. We have had to learn over time that we had not
established these important details in our marriage. I was indeed originating off
my family’s system origin, as was he implementing his previous family’s system.
What we have found, we truthfully didn’t agree with some of our family’s roles.
I especially had to learn that it was okay to distribute the help, in as sense
I was enabling him from being a crucial part of our family system. Even though we are late in the game, we have
been creating and establishing our own little family system.
In addition to roles it was important
to create family rules and figure out each other’s expectations for one
another. Creating rules will help create boundaries for the family. Creating or
setting expectations will allow a better understanding for one another. I have learned
the consequences when setting high expectations for any individual, it can be
very detrimental to the any relationship. When the needs of another person does
not meet yours expectations… resentment and trust and dependability can be
crushed. It is important to remember this in all relationships. If it is established
in the beginning and continually reformed as the family grows and shifts roles,
the dependability and levels of almost definitely can create unity!
One of the most important rules
that I have learned throughout my 11 years of marriage is being open and honest
with one another. This has been a controversial subject for many. I have seen
this in younger couples that have begun dating or newly married couples. Often
the misconception can be, I don’t want to hurt those that I care about. Though,
I think it is more hurtful to not be honest with one another. It is imperative to follow through. There are few
factors that need to be decided when starting the family system. Will couples
admit when they are wrong? How will they deal with conflict? Will the allow
creative tension with complimentary discourse? Perhaps one rule or boundary
will be that the couple will be open with problems, and discuss normal
conflicts, without undue stress.
This week I have learned many
topics in FML 160 that are dear to my heart. I’m starting to understand my
passion of marriages and families. I’m learning how to effectively strengthen
my own home and family. My passion for Marriage and families are continuing to grow
and develop. I can see why I was led to this degree. All in all, I’m where I’m supposed
to be.
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