Fathers and Financing
“Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love
like you do
Girls become lovers
who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to
your daughters too “(Jack Johnson)
Studies have shown that in the United States 39% of American
children are born into the world without a father in the home, what hurts my
heart greatly is that 70% of those children are African American.
My mind has been swirling with thoughts about the importance
of fathers being in and part of the family system, and the recognition of their
work outside the home. Growing up my father worked hard outside the home to
provide for our family of five. My father taught me and my siblings the
importance of challenging work in and outside the home. I can remember cultivating
the yard and learning the importance of proper care. As my sister and I grew in
age and maturity and my brothers grew in strength and knowledge our roles began
to shift. The girls stayed inside and helped mom with indoor chores and
assignments. The boys focused on outside chores and yard work. However, during
the week my siblings and I would rotate on a few inside chores throughout the
week. I can remember on Sundays the boys
would take turns in helping with the dishes after our family meals.
It was my parents who taught me how to create roles within your
own family system. They insured that we as a family were to follow certain
rules to allow the roles to be properly placed. I’m grateful for their example
it has helped me to better understand how a family system can properly
function. It was not perfect; however, it was what the Scott family needed. Now, some may question how do I properly
establish a functioning family unit. I know I have! One of the most important
things to realize is that you and your spouse have come from different family
backgrounds. Perhaps they may be similar, regardless you will find differences.
The way your own specific family roles are established is to be created by, yes
that is right, both of you, and in unity. This may sound familiar… that is
because the family system and the way it functions is the root or source to the
answer to many of life’s problems.
If we look at the early 1800’s, what was the primary job
that society thrived off… farming. The families would all work together in
wholesome recreational settings. They would work hard and enjoy recreational
activity (working, and working together) while doing their daily routines. They enjoyed the time spent together. Family
members would spread themselves out throughout the day inside the home and
outside. I could see the family members teaching while out in the fields of
labor. While some may be taking a few hours to prepare meals, while others
would help tidy the home and hang laundry. Yes, all members including males.
Where in the world does it say that men cannot help within the home because it
will cause them to forfeit their man cards? Yeah, it doesn’t, so working
together is imperative to creating a harmonious fully functioning family
system.
In the late 1930’s a big industrial change occurred, “The Industrial
Revolution.” This was where the creation of the separation of life and work
began. Feast or famine, along with major health concerns were growing. Families
began to leave the farm life and seek homes and jobs in the ever-growing
population within the city. Work is now seen as drudgery and life or “living
the life” is more blissful. Its no
wonder though why the family roles began to deteriorate. When dad was
outsourced from the home working 8-12 hours plus a day (still may be) it began
to take a toll on the family. The training that dad once provided is absent and
the children would not learn the skills that would help mold and shape the
children.
What was even more
alarming being the children were beginning to be outsourced for work to help
supplement incomes within the walls of the home. Which then left the mother
home, and house work changed. Life began to lose meaning and the mother found
the indoor chores in beautifying the home insignificant. If she could not trade
her skills on the homestead for value, she would need to outsource her skills
and gain the value or meaning elsewhere.
I understand that this is not the case with all. I believe
that some mothers may have to work to provide a living for their family. However, what about those who want to help
supplement the income by just working a few hours part time? A scenario was provided in my FAML 160 class
of a traditional family in which the father worked 45 hours a week receiving
42k a year. The mother worked part time 32 hours a week and received an average
of 32 hours a week. The family met with a financial planner and anxiously
anticipated the results in the financial savings they were accruing each year.
Can you guess what it was? They numbers were calculated with all the monies
going in and expenses going out, and the final amount of savings was… 41,500.
Wait, that was not saving any money in fact they were losing money. The money
that was spent in day care and the times loss with her children, was indeed a
grave combination. The understanding of
a budget and the money going in and coming out was not comprehend. I believe it is possible to live off a
one-person salary. For example, in America a family of four could modestly live
off a one-person salary avg. 51,300 a year.
Which is below the U.S. Census Bureau. How do you do it? A few sources, that I think are very
resourceful, Dave Ramsey and his steps in how to budget. Another source, Marvin
J. Ashton, One for the Money. These
two complement each other well and can open doors and avenues for financial
success.
Living in the City has been challenging. I miss our little
Tidwell farm. I miss the recreational work that my children accumulated. My
husband and I have had to change the way our system is functioning in our new
home town. We have found that we need to be more creative in finding ways to
allow us to all work together. Some of my class mates suggested that you turn
on music that will allow the children to gain more enthusiasm when working
together. Some have found that they create a game in which the family engages
and interacts. What are some of the things that you do or have found to be
successful in your family unit? One thing that we did is start a small garden
in the backyard. My husband wanted to allow the children and I to cultivate not
only our small garden… but each other.
What if we adopted the motto of,
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